How parents can help teenagers build resilience and independence

Author Jennifer S. Miller on Parenting Teens: 'Hard Experiences create the muscles of resilience'

MACON, Georgia (41NBC/WMGT) – Parenting today means navigating a landscape of risk, resilience, and evolving relationships, according to founder and author, Jennifer Miller. In a recent interview with 41NBC’s Fiona King, Miller discussed the challenges and rewards of raising teens in the digital age, drawing from her new book, “Humanissance: Igniting Courage in Our Teens and Ourselves.”

Helping teens build resilience

Miller emphasizes that building resilience in teenagers requires parents to allow their children to experience and work through difficult situations rather than immediately stepping in to solve their problems.

“Those hard experiences create the muscles of resilience,” Miller said. “Our ability to hang with them, to hold the space for them non-judgmentally and with unconditional love and support, is how we can support them through those hard times—not by fixing their situation, but by helping them be agents that move through the pain and repair harm where they need to.”

Finding the balance between parenting and friendship

The interview also explored the balance between being a parent and a friend, particularly as social media and technology reshape family relationships.

“We know we shouldn’t be a peer or a friend, but we also want to keep that sense of intimacy,” Miller explained. “Every adult relationship, every teen relationship requires healthy boundaries. So we have to have the courage to hold strong on our boundaries but also partner with them. They need to know that we’ve got their back at all times.”

Staying involved as teenagers become more independent

As teenagers take on more adult responsibilities and privileges, including driving and voting, Miller encourages parents to remain involved and continue providing guidance.

“No matter what, we’re going to work through it together,” she said.

Miller’s advice centers on helping teenagers develop independence while maintaining a strong relationship with their parents. Rather than removing every obstacle, she encourages parents to provide support, establish healthy boundaries and give their children opportunities to work through challenges.

Practical takeaway for parents

The next time your teenager faces a difficult situation, resist the urge to immediately step in and fix it.

Instead, listen without judgment, acknowledge what they’re feeling and ask what they think their next step should be. Offer guidance when needed, but give them room to work through the challenge and take responsibility for their decisions.

Miller’s message is that parents don’t have to choose between setting boundaries and being supportive. Teenagers need both.

The goal isn’t to protect teens from every difficult experience. It’s to help them develop the confidence and skills to handle challenges while knowing their parents are there to support them.